we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
