no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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