How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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