Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
