Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
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