im about as happy as oj after his trial
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
