Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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