You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
