New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
