remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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