..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
