yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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