You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
