But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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