I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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