I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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