True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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