Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
