You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
