OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
