I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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