i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
