the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
