Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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