first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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