Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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