When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
