I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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