I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
