He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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