So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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