Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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