brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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