My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
