Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
