I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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