Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
