Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
