if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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