I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize