So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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