Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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