It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
