I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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