No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i think i just lost a toe
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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