just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
