omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want nice things and good sex
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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