I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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