I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
