Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
