Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize