apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
