I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
