While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
