I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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